October is for Women

It's already the 8th of October and I've not yet blogged about women and breast cancer. Shame on me. I was reminded of this just today when speaking with a new friend and discovering she was diagnosed at the same age as my sister...37!

I hope that you are checking yourself regularly, and if you have never done so, please schedule a mammogram. Here are some tips I received by email to help prepare you for your first mammogram.

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, and even if they have had them before, there is fear. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test, and best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in your own home!

EXERCISE 1: Open your refrigerator door, and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat in case the first time wasn't effective.

EXERCISE 2: Visit your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor sideways with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Switch sides and repeat for the other breast.

EXERCISE 3: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Have the stranger press the bookends together as hard as she can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet again next year to do it again.

You are now properly prepared!

Women, please, be good to yourself, and to those you love, check yourself and get checked.

I'm just sayin...